New Year's Resolutions for 2010

1. Lose the baby weight! I have about 15 pounds to go, not bad considering I gained over 45 while pregnant. I don't even care so much about the number on the scale, but it would be nice to be able to fit into some of my old clothes. My wardrobe is shockingly limited these days!
2. Even more important than losing the baby weight is getting physically fit. Since I broke my wrist before becoming pregnant, I entered the pregnancy with a weaker upper body than usual. Now that I have to tote around an increasingly heavy baby who is growing at an astonishing rate, I've realized that I really need to strengthen my arms, shoulders, back, and core. Which means I need to find time to exercise regularly, including getting back to doing yoga. Aside from nearly daily walks,kegels, and trying to draw my navel toward my spine whenever I think of it, I haven't done much exercise since baby's arrival.
   
3. Learn how to cook healthy but tasty meals that both meat-eating AC and I will enjoy (obviously this wont really be necessary until we get to Japan and are finally settled in our own home). This past year I have not had the opportunity or the means to cook much, and I am starting to miss it. I've been thinking about buying The Flexitarian Table: Inspired, Flexible Meals for Vegetarians, Meat Lovers, and Everyone in Between. I think it might be the solution to feeding a carnivorous husband who doesn't always enjoy my vegetarian fare.
   
4. Stick to a budget, especially when it comes to grocery shopping. Now that we have a baby and will be living in expensive Japan, I am going to have to be more careful about spending money.
   
5. Establish a schedule for keeping the house clean. This year was unusual in that I often didn't have to do the cleaning (such as when I was living in NYC with my dad, at our family house in CT, or here in CA with my mom), which was really nice. But once we move to Japan and have our own place, I'll have to reestablish a routine. I also need to get over my all or nothing attitude when it comes to keeping house. I either clean everything obsessively or let everything go, but with a baby I'll have to take a more balanced approach to making sure the place is clean enough without going overboard.
6. Cultivate my own interests. Both for my own sake and to set a good example for the baby, I need to ensure that I maintain and possibly expand my current interests and creative pursuits.
   
7. Get out of the house and explore! I have a tendency to be a homebody, but again, in order to set a good example for the baby and to enrich his life, I need to try new things.
8. Make new friends and stay in touch with old friends. With AC gone a lot in Japan, I'll need the support of friends near and far.
   
9. Try to blog more regularly, although I realize with a baby, it certainly wont be as often as before.
10. Be the best mother I can be without beating myself up over my inevitable mistakes. Basically, I want to be a "good enough" mother.
    

I don't normally do the whole New Year's Resolution thing, but I thought it might be fun to have some goals to motivate me this year. I have to say, 2009 was a great year! I finally became pregnant and my wish for a baby was fulfilled. I'm interested to see how 2010 goes for our little family this year. We'll finally be stationed at a base longer than 8 months and will have a chance to settle in to a community, a home, a way of life for once. It will also be my first real experience with living the life of an active duty spouse as AC will be gone a lot on TDYs and possibly deployments. Plus, there will be a new member of the family to consider in every decision that we make. I'm both excited about and apprehensive of our upcoming move. However 2010 turns out, it will certainly be different than any year thus far!

So Thankful

Today I am thankful for:

• A happy, healthy baby whose diaper rash seems to be clearing up--yay!

• A wonderful husband who makes taking care of said baby so much easier (my two parents combined cannot equal the awesome parental powers of AC)

• Spending the holiday with the aforementioned baby, husband, and parental units (as well as one of my mom's graduate students)

• A gorgeous, warm day and a lovely stroll with baby, husband, and mother

• Yummy and healthy vegetarian food

• My mom's amazing homemade, from scratch pumpkin pies (she makes them from real pumpkin, not the canned stuff--yes, it is a lot more work!) and polish apple pie (Szarlotka)

• My health (amazingly it's holding up so far despite the sleep deprivation)

Happy Thanksgiving! May today be filled with good food, family, friends, and festivities!

Two Weeks Old!

Dear Ziggy,

It's hard to believe you are already two weeks old today, and yet it's almost impossible to imagine life without you! You are such a good, calm, sweet baby. You sleep a lot, both during the day and at night, waking up every 2-3 hours during the day and 3-4 hours at night to feed, but luckily so far you fall back to sleep quickly at night. You feed really well (I love breastfeeding you!), although it still sometimes takes you a couple of tries to latch effectively, and are gaining weight at an astonishing pace! Last Monday at your one week checkup you were 7 lbs 5 oz, so you'd already surpassed your birth weight, and today at your weight check you were 8 lbs 3.8 oz, almost a pound above your birth weight!

Last week you became fussier after your Baba left to go back to Albuquerque, and at first I thought you were responding to his absence, but then your grandma figured out that you must be reacting to the bean and vegetable soup she made. When I stopped eating the soup, your fussiness, gas, and straining during bowel movements improved, so it looks like no more beans for me for a while!

Unfortunately you also developed some diaper rash this week, which makes changing you more of an ordeal since you cry whenever we wipe your bottom. It breaks my heart to see you in pain, and I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better right away. We've been trying to keep your bottom bare and diaperless as much as possible during the day, rinsing your bottom off after each poop and then blotting you dry rather than wiping, and applying Desitin and Aquaphor creams at night. Today the doctor also prescribed an antifungal cream to use if the diaper rash doesn't improve in 2-3 days, so hopefully we will get it cleared up soon.

When you're awake you are very alert and love to look around, make funny faces, and wave your little arms and kick your little legs. You are surprisingly strong for such a little guy. You also seem to really like music, especially Jazz, Classical, and Reggae. You make such adorable little sounds and sighs, and sometimes you sneeze and hiccup, which is just too cute. You started smiling in your sleep when you were one week old, and now you even smile sometimes when you're awake. I know these aren't considered "real" smiles yet, but they sure are cute and a great preview of what's to come! I look forward to the day when you give me a big social smile for real!

I love you so much, little one! You give my life meaning and purpose. Taking care of you is a full time job, but it is so worth it, and I couldn't ask for a better way to fill my days. Right now there is nothing I would rather do than take care of you and watch you grow and develop into a little person. You are the love of my life!

Love,
Your Mama

11/09/09: A Day I Will Never Forget

Ziggy was born on Monday, November 9, 2009 at 9:15 am after approximately 8 hours of labor, weighing 7 lbs 4 oz and measuring 20.5 inches long. Here is our birth story:

I woke up the morning of my scheduled induction (Sunday, November 8) at 8:45 am, got up to go to the bathroom, and felt a trickle of fluid run down both legs. This is it! I thought. My water broke on its own, and now I wont have to be induced! I called Labor & Delivery and they told me to come on in to be checked, although they said I didn't have to rush. So I took my time getting ready and showering, and finished packing up my hospital bag with AC. We arrived at L & D around noon and I was checked, but the doctor who saw me didn't think my water had broken. My cervix was now about 70% effaced, but not at all dilated, so the doctor suggested they just go ahead and admit me (since I was going to be admitted that evening at 7:30 pm anyway) and start the Cervidil (cervical ripener) early. I received the Cervidil at exactly 1:10 pm (it was basically like a tampon that the doctor inserts way up by your cervix) and was told my progress would be checked in 12 hours. The doctor also palpated my abdomen and estimated that Ziggy was about 7.5 lbs, which turned out to be very close to his actual birth weight.

AC and I spent the rest of the day just hanging out in my room watching downloaded shows on my laptop. I was feeling tired and lazy and thought it would be a good idea to store up energy for labor, so I didn't get up much other than to use the bathroom. With my IV pole and monitors it was easier to just stay in bed and relax.

At exactly 1:10 am, I experienced some painful pressure down below and almost like a popping sensation inside and suddenly felt a bunch of warm fluid gush onto the bed. At that moment I knew my water had broken for real, exactly 12 hours after administering the Cervidil! And, as promised, at that exact moment a doctor came in to check my cervix and confirmed that my water had indeed broken for real. I had also made progress and was now 90% effaced and 1 cm dilated, so I was ready to start the Pitocin and be induced. Fluid continued to gush out of me at periodic intervals, and I was amazed at how much there was and at how warm it was!

As I was lying in bed waiting for the doctor to return, the unexpected happened--I started to go into labor on my own! The breaking of my waters was apparently enough to initiate labor as I started to feel contractions, pressure, and pain almost immediately, first in my lower back and then radiating toward my lower belly. At first I thought the contractions wouldn't be too bad, but soon they started to get worse.

When my nurse came in with the bag of Pitocin to hook up to my IV line, I asked if it was too early to get an epidural. I felt silly getting an epidural at only 1 cm dilated, but I was also worried that once she administered the Pitocin, the contractions would be unmanageable, and I'd have to suffer through at least 45 minutes before the epidural kicked in. She seemed to think it would be fine to get it since I was already slightly dilated, so she called in anesthesiology, and they effortlessly placed the epidural (other than a slight pinch when they applied the initial anesthetic, I experienced no pain or discomfort). The anesthesiologists said the anatomy of my back made it really easy to place (I'm assuming they were referring to how prominent my vertebrae are) and that I did a great job of curling over for the procedure. I must admit, after my extremely positive experience with the epidural, I don't know why all women don't get them--they are amazing!

My nurse said that since I was already having fairly regular contractions, I didn't really need the Pitocin. But because I had received the epidural so early, there was a chance it could slow down my contractions and stall the labor, so the doctor had decided to administer a very low dose of the Pitocin. Pretty soon, the epidural started to take effect, the contractions felt weaker and shorter, and I could feel my legs growing heavy--I actually found it to be a very pleasant sensation. It made me want to sleep, so I spent the next several hours dozing in and out as my nurse came in periodically to monitor me and Ziggy. Sometimes she had me flip from one side to the other to see if Ziggy "liked that side better." At one point she came in to turn off the very low dose of Pitocin because my contractions were plenty strong on their own and they were worried the Pitocin could effect Ziggy's heart rate negatively. She also placed an oxygen mask on me. At that point I was rechecked and was now nearly 100% effaced, 4-5 centimeters dilated, and at -1 station. The nurse also placed a catheter to drain my urine since I wasn't allowed to get out of bed to go to the bathroom (although I think I probably could have if someone had helped me), and she said that emptying my bladder would help the labor progress even more since it would give the baby room to move down.

How right she was! I don't remember exactly what time it was, but within just a couple of hours I started to feel increased pressure in my vagina--I had continued to feel the occasional mild pain of the contractions throughout the labor because I had never upped the very low dose of the epidural via the patient administered pump, but this felt different. Another doctor checked me and seemed surprised that I was now 100% effaced, 9 centimeters dilated, and at 0 station! My labor was progressing faster than anticipated. It was almost time to push!

This was definitely the worst part of the labor for me. I was feeling really intense pressure and pain in my vagina even with the epidural, so I finally gave in and pushed my patient administered pump three times (the maximum allowed per hour). I don't really know why I was trying to hold out on pushing it. I think I was partially worried that adding more medicine to the epidural might prevent me from pushing effectively. When the doctor rechecked me next, I was 10 centimeters and +1 station, but she said she still wanted to wait until I felt the urge to push on my own (despite the intense pressure, I didn't want to push--I just wanted the pain to stop). At some point around this time, the doctor decided to switch from an external monitor for Ziggy's heart rate to an internal one placed on his scalp. She also decided to add a very small amount of Pitocin to my line since my contractions were starting to weaken (so maybe I was right about not wanting to push the epidural pump?).

And then all of a sudden, it was time. I wanted to bear down, and my mom and AC held my legs for me while my two new labor nurses (there was a shift change right before I started to push) guided me and stretched my perineum. They had me take a deep breath, hold it, and then bear down for 10 seconds as I tucked my chin to my chest, held the backs of my legs, and curled my back over. I did this about three times during each contraction. It was exhausting! I was worried my lungs wouldn't be able to handle simultaneously holding my breath and exerting myself that much, but it turned out my fears were unwarranted. I also only coughed a little bit--I think the oxygen really helped.

Although I pushed for about 1.5 hours, time seemed to move much faster for me. I was in a strange mind frame, feeling both very present and aware of everything going on around me and also outside of my body at the same time. At one point, I reached down and could feel Ziggy's little head sticking out! It was a lot softer than I expected, and everyone marveled at how much hair he had. Everyone was very supportive, telling me what a great job I was doing and that I was getting really close, that he was almost out. AC was especially amazing, somehow anticipating exactly what I needed and doing everything I wanted without me having to ask. My mom also did a good job, although she kept holding her breath along with me during the pushing and almost passed out from lack of oxygen! I remember I got annoyed with her for being slow right at the start of a contraction when I needed to push and physically shoved her aside--later I felt very guilty for doing that, but in the heat of the moment, I was like an animal, just reacting on instinct and doing what felt right at the time. There was no rational thought involved.

Just when it seemed like I couldn't stand to push any longer, the nurses decided it really was time and called the doctor in. They told me I might feel a burning sensation as the baby crowned and came out, but that it would be better to just push through it than to hold back from fear and have him retract back up the birth canal. So that's what I did. I just pushed through the pain. It hurt like crazy, and at that point I almost started to cry (it was more like a pathetic whimper or whine, really), but I just kept pushing, even though it felt wrong to do so, like my body was going to rip open. And then with another gush of fluid, he was out, and they were placing him on my chest, and AC was cutting the cord! It was so surreal! I don't know how to describe it. I felt relief that the pain and exertion were over, amazement that this little creature had come out of me, awe at his beauty, and joy that he was finally here and that he was apparently healthy and perfect (his Apgar scores were 8 and 9, by the way). He let out a cry, and I was surprised by how high-pitched and shrieky it was. But when they placed him in my arms, he settled down and became very alert, looking all around at his brand new world.

I held him for a bit while the doctor delivered the placenta (I never got to see it in person, but AC did snap a picture which I saw later, and wow, it was huge!) and then stitched me up (I had a bit of second degree tearing in my vagina, mainly on the right side, but the doctor said it wasn't too bad). The nurses also massaged my uterus, and I could feel more fluid coming out each time they pushed on my belly. I don't know if they were just being nice or if they really meant it, but both the doctor and the nurses seemed impressed with how quickly I pushed him out and how strong I was and asked if I did yoga, to which I said yes. They seemed to think that it must have helped. I guess maybe it did!

Then the nurses weighed and measured Ziggy, put antibiotic ointment in his eyes, and did whatever else they needed to do before returning him to me. I put him to my breast right away, but I don't think he latched on at that point. It was just nice to hold him close and feel his little body against mine. After holding him for a bit, it was time for AC to accompany him to the Well Baby Nursery to receive his first bath and have other necessary things done to him while I was taken to my private (woohoo!) recovery room, where I would stay for the next two days.

It's funny--I didn't write a birth plan, I didn't really think about how I wanted my childbirth experience to go at all (other than that I knew I wanted an epidural), and yet, it turned out to be exactly how I would have wanted it had I known what to plan for. Even the fact that I tore doesn't bother me--to me, it's just a battle scar, proof that I did something amazing, namely deliver a baby that I grew for 9 months inside me!

Week 40: The Final Week!

Today is my official due date, and Ziggy is exactly 38 weeks old! 38 weeks ago today he was conceived in a petri dish--it's crazy when you think about it! He's been moving about quite a bit in his cramped quarters, but seems to be pretty happy in there still, so I have a feeling he wont be coming out on his own and I'll be induced as scheduled. I've been experiencing occasional increased pressure, cramping in my lower back (including the occasional pinched nerve feeling around my tailbone), and odd sensations "down there" (I think his head is really low and when he moves it around, it feels kind of funny) but nothing that screams that labor is imminent. And after learning at my last OB appointment on Tuesday that I have not progressed any further since my cervical check in the hospital (still effaced about 1 cm or 50%), I'm pretty sure I'll need that cervical ripener overnight and wont be induced until Monday morning. The good news though is that I can eat dinner before I head to the hospital on Sunday evening, AC can stay with me in my room (there's a little fold-out couch thing for him to sleep on), and we can both sleep Sunday night, although after my last experience at the hospital I'm not sure how restful a night we'll have! Plus, I imagine that the cervical ripener will probably make me crampy and uncomfortable, although the MFM fellow said that it shouldn't be too bad. By the way, at my non-stress test I was having contractions that I couldn't feel, and the nurse said that sometimes an internal exam can trigger contractions or even the start of labor. It would be nice if there was some more progress before Sunday night. Even if I still need to be induced, the more prepared my cervix is naturally, the better the outcome supposedly.

I have to admit, I am nervous about the whole birth process, and part of me wishes I could just fast-forward to the point where they place him on my chest. Even though I think induction is probably the best and safest route for me (it freaks me out that the rate of still birth rises so rapidly after 40 weeks!), I've heard so many horror stories about women being induced and then failing to progress and ending up with a c-section that I'm starting to worry it will happen to me. Not that having a c-section would be the worst thing in the world, but for the sake of my lungs and overall health, it should be avoided if possible.

It probably sounds silly, but I was almost sad to have my last OB appointment and non-stress test this week (by the way, baby looked "perfect" according to the nurses :). It felt like the end of an era or something. I am so going to miss being pregnant (or at least that's what I imagine), although hopefully Ziggy will soon distract me from my nostalgic musings! But seriously, I've had a fairly easy pregnancy and have really enjoyed the experience--it's hard to just let go of that all at once.

In other news, both my mom and AC got their seasonal flu vaccines, and today I finally received the H1N1 vaccine (unfortunately it was the one with mercury, but it's hard to be picky when I feel lucky to have gotten it at all), so I feel a little bit better about welcoming Ziggy into this scary, virus-infested world. Unfortunately my mom is sick again with what seems to be a sinus infection and is back on antibiotics, but hopefully she'll recover before Monday--otherwise they wont allow her into the hospital and she'll miss the birth!

A few last minute items I ordered online arrived this week: a Naturepedic Organic Cotton Waterproof Bassinet Pad and a Kushies Certified Organic Bassinet/Carriage Pad Fitted Sheet in mocha (unfortunately both are slightly too big for the bassinet mattress, but I'm hoping they will shrink in the wash--why oh why isn't there a standard bassinet mattress size!?); a 2-pack of Snoozy Organic Flannel Cotton Waterproof Multi Use Pads, so that when the Fuzzi Bunz diapers inevitably leak (one drawback to cloth diapers I've heard is that they are more likely to leak), there wont be pee all over the bed or couch or carpet or wherever Ziggy is hanging out; a yellow Fuzzi Bunz Hanging Diaper Pail, to store the diapers in between washes; an Orbit Stroller Travel Bag, so we can safely transport our awesome stroller when we move to Japan; and a Carbon Monoxide Detector, which has yet to be installed. So I think we're pretty much set on baby gear for the moment.

I've been trying to read up on baby care this week since I know absolutely nothing about taking care of a newborn. AC knows a bit more than I do since his mother runs a daycare out of her home, but I think the youngest babies he's ever cared for were at least 4-6 weeks old, so this will be quite an adventure for us both. I'll probably update from the hospital if I have time, but if not, the next time I post, Ziggy will be here!

Week 39: Baby Gear Mania!

I am feeling better but still pretty tired from the virus and lack of sleep, so I'll try to keep this week's update short (yeah right, when does that ever happen? :P). I am officially one week away from my due date, but perhaps even more scary and exciting is the fact that I'm now no more than 10 days away from going into labor! That's right, at my appointment on Tuesday, my doctor set my induction date for Sunday, November 8th at 7:30 pm in order to accommodate my mom's and AC's schedules. If my cervix is ready, they may even start the Pitocin that night. If not, they'll give me a cervical ripening agent overnight and start Pitocin in the morning. Either way, Ziggy will most likely be born on November 9 (unless of course he decides to come early or on time, but I have a feeling he wont)! So next week I'll have my last OB appointment and non-stress test before the big day (by the way, this week's non-stress test was fine as usual). My MFM will be back from his vacation then and will check my cervix, so we'll see if there's any more progress.

There's been a lot more progress on the baby gear front, that's for sure! My mother suddenly panicked and decided we needed to buy a whole bunch of stuff for the baby, so we went to this nearby baby store and got some good advice on baby gear. We ended up buying a large brown Glamourmom Nursing Bra Long Tank for me to wear at the hospital and until after my milk comes in and I can get fitted for some nursing bras. The saleswoman who assisted us recommended tanks over bras, so if I like the tank option, I may just buy some more and forego the bra option. We also bought a 12 pack of Gerber prefold birdseye 3-ply cloth diapers for use as burp cloths, a Natursutten 100% Natural Rubber Pacifier for 3-6 Mos, a pack of 200 4 ply non woven sponges for use as disposable wipes, Grippees Wash Mitts That Grip! for bathing a slippery, squirmy baby, and a chocolate brown Halo swaddle sleep sack for newborns. We were going to buy a combo bassinet and stroller, but they were sold out of the color we wanted, so we ended up ordering them online. I'm now the proud owner of the super chic Orbit Baby Bassinet Cradle and Toddler Stroller in mocha (the bassinet clips onto the stroller for the early months and then you transition to using the toddler seat)! Apparently a lot of celebrities own this bassinet and stroller. So, yes, this was ridiculously expensive but my mom purchased it for me and hopefully it will work well and last a while (maybe even for kid number 2!).

I also ordered a Naturopedic Organic Cotton Contoured Changing Pad, which we placed on top of an old dresser of my mom's which happened to be the perfect height to use as a changing table. This week I also washed, dried, and folded all of baby's used, hand-me-down clothes and cloth diapers and inserts and put them away in the dresser drawers for easy diapering and changing access. I'm planning on holding off on washing some of the newer clothes items in case we end up not needing them. I also ordered some stuff from Diapers.com (my new favorite website), some of which I may end up returning (they offer free returns on unopened or defective merchandise for 30 days): Kushies Flushable Biodegradable Diaper Liners (for use with diaper rash cream, since otherwise the cream can stain the Fuzzi Bunz cloth diapers and affect their absorbency), bumGenius Microfiber Diaper Inserts (because you can never have too many inserts for your cloth diapers), Kushies Washable Diaper Liners, and bumGenius Reusable Baby Wipes (I may return these last two items since I just discovered that Fuzzi Bunz diapers shouldn't be washed with cotton wipes or liners, and it doesn't seem worth it to me to have to do a separate load for those things).

I also finally had the car seat installed by the car seat techs over at the hospital (they offer free car seat installation) and washed the infant bath tub and portable diaper changing pad from my cousin. I also ordered some other stuff online, which has yet to arrive, so I'll post about all of that later once it gets here. Right now I feel like I am trying to find a balance between being as ready as I can for baby (and having everything I need or that will make my life easier so that I can just focus on the baby when he comes) and not purchasing too many extraneous, unnecessary items that will go unused and just create clutter. It's a tough life I tell you! :)

Single Digits and First Trip to L & D

It's hard to believe but all of a sudden, we are into the single digit countdown and there are only 9 days left until my due date! I had a scare this weekend that made me think that I might not make it this far, but everything turned out okay. Last week I wasn't sleeping particularly well in general but was getting just enough sleep to function and stay healthy. My mom had come down with what seemed to be a cold. She didn't have a fever so we figured it couldn't be a flu virus. Then on Thursday night I had a really bad night where I got maybe 4 hours of sleep and was exhausted all day long. That night (Friday), I awoke around 1 am shivering and shaking with chills, body aches, and the general feeling that I had a fever. I slept restlessly for a few more hours, feeling alternately hot and cold, throwing the blankets on and off, sweating and then shivering. By 4am, I'd had enough and was worried that my temperature was getting too high, so I forced myself to get out of bed to locate a thermometer and some Tylenol.

Sure enough, I had a fever of 101.4, so I popped two Tylenol and slept a few more restless, sweaty hours. When I awoke on Saturday morning, I was a feeling a bit better but my hair was disgusting and matted with sweat so I decided to take a shower (even though normally I try to avoid washing my hair when I'm actively sick since I feel like having a wet head and getting water in my ears and sinuses often exacerbate my illness) and in retrospect I'm so glad I did.

I started to feel worse as the morning went on, and when my mom returned from her doctor's appointment armed with Ceftin for a possible sinus infection and learned about my fever, she called her pediatrician friend who said to call Labor & Delivery and that I might have to be induced early if it turned out I had the swine flu. We called L & D and they told us to head on over, so we did, although at first the front staff who are responsible for screening all visitors for possible flu symptoms didn't want to let us in the building when we said we were sick. When we told them L & D was expecting us, they called to confirm it and finally led us up there (with masks of course). I was admitted to an isolation room, but my mom was not allowed to stay with me. This was around noon.

A nurse hooked me up to the usual monitors for the non-stress test, one to measure baby's heart rate (slightly elevated), and the other to measure my contractions and baby's movements. I also had an IV line placed to administer fluids and a pulse oximeter to measure my heart rate (high) and blood oxygen level (98% on room air). Anyway, this post is starting to get too long already, so I'll try to just focus on the highlights (or lowlights) of the next 24 hours, which is how long I ended up staying there.

Originally they had said I would be discharged later on Saturday, but then it turned out they wanted me to stay the night for observation. A nurse did a nasal swab to test for H1N1, which ended up having to be repeated later by a doctor (unpleasant but I've had worse things stuffed up my nose). The monitor showed I was having some contractions, although I couldn't feel them at all, so at one point an MFM did an internal exam (the first of my pregnancy) to determine if there was any progress. I'm not dilated at all but my cervix has effaced down to about 0.5 cm from 3.5 cm at my 20 week ultrasound, so that's good.

Everyone kept saying that Ziggy looked great--he had nice heart rate fluctuations and was moving well. They did comment that his heart rate was a little high but explained that my higher heart rate from being sick was affecting his. Overnight both of our heart rates did come down. They started me on Tamiflu but failed to mention that nausea is one of the side effects. I also had some heartburn, for which I was given Maalox, but I don't know if that was from the Tamiflu or from lying down for most of the day. It didn't help that I was never brought a proper meal (I hadn't eaten much before heading to the hospital because I hadn't had much of an appetite in the morning). One nurse (I had six total during my 24 hour stay) told me she had ordered me a dinner. When I told her I was a vegetarian, she rushed off to change the order. She then came back and brought me a vegetarian sandwich (American cheese with vegetables) from the staff kitchen to tide me over until my dinner arrived. That was the last I saw of her. When the next nurse took over, she told me there was no dinner service but that my family could bring me food. This was news to me as I'd been told I couldn't have any visitors. So I called AC, who had flown in that afternoon for a brief 24 hour visit and had been hanging out with friends up until then, to ask if he could bring some toiletries over and also pick up a smoothie for me (I'd been craving one all day). So I finally got to see him (he had to don a mask and gown like the nurses and doctors whenever they entered the room) at around 9 pm, which is when visiting hours are officially over, so he couldn't stay long.

After a rough night, during which I didn't get much sleep due to a number of factors (feeling either too cold or too hot, having my vitals taken, being hooked up to all those monitors, which would beep when they got unhooked or my IV fluid bag ran low, having to lie on my left side for so long that my hip ached horribly, having to unhook myself from all the monitors and take my IV pole with me every time I needed to use the restroom, and in general just not feeling comfortable in the hospital bed). I think I maybe got 4-5 hours of restless, interrupted sleep. In the morning they actually brought me breakfast, although it was pretty bad and not what I would have ordered (a muffin and hash browns as my main course?! The oatmeal, banana, fruit cup and milk were fine, but what about some protein?!). The nurse had me fill out lunch and dinner menus for Sunday just in case I had to stay longer. I was taken to radiology for two chest x-rays (they shielded my abdomen), which the pulmonologist on call reviewed. Apparently they looked ok, and since I hadn't had a fever since I entered the hospital, the baby was doing well, and in general, they didn't seem to think I had the swine flu, they decided to discharge me around 1 pm. They did say that I should schedule an appointment with the pulmonary department or call L & D again if I took a turn for the worse.

I ended up getting to eat the lunch I'd ordered (pasta with squash, peas, and mushrooms) because AC insisted that they let me take it to go when they wouldn't let me eat it in my room (they had to prepare it for the next patient) or out in the hall because I had to wear my mask at all times in the hospital. So they put everything on a paper plate and I ended up eating it while sitting on a bench outside the hospital! By the way, the results from the nasal swab didn't get back before I was discharged, but they told me they would only call if it was positive, and since I haven't heard back yet, I'm assuming no news is good news. I was still prescribed Tamiflu for an additional 5 days just in case. Yesterday morning I took it after eating a relatively small breakfast of cereal, and it made me nauseous the entire morning. When I finally ate a mid-morning snack, I ended up throwing it up, so my streak of not vomiting during this pregnancy has finally been broken. My new plan is to eat a substantial meal before taking the pill.

All in all, I'm glad I had this preliminary trip to L & D. It gives me a better idea of what to expect when I go in for real (disorganization and lack of communication on the part of the staff, although most of them were pretty nice and seemed to be doing the best they could) and made me realize how important it is to be proactive, ask questions, and make requests, and to have someone there who can advocate on my behalf (when AC was there even briefly, it made things so much easier!). Mainly I'm just relieved that I don't have the swine flu, that Ziggy's doing well, and that I didn't have to be induced (I think I would have been too weak and tired to push and probably would have ended up with a c-section) and still have a chance to recover and regain strength before my delivery.

Anyway, I need to go and get ready for my day of appointments (car seat installation, non-stress test, and doctor's appointment), but I'll be back on Thursday with more updates from this week.

The Highs and Lows of Week 38

On Monday I picked up my cousin's bassinet from the friend she lent it to and was so excited to finally have one more major thing checked off my to do list. Unfortunately it turns out the bassinet was recalled in 2001 (it was made in 1997 so it's pretty old, which in and of itself makes me nervous), so I've decided not to use it. It was a cheap, rather flimsy Fisher Price one that I had some misgivings about when I first laid eyes on it. So now it's back to square one with regard to the baby bed. I've been checking Craigslist, but now I'm not so sure I want to go with a used one after all. I have a feeling I'm going to end up ordering something brand new for my piece of mind. Right now the whole issue is stressing me out though since I know that Ziggy could technically come at any time, and I want to have everything more or less ready.

On Tuesday I had my weekly appointment and non-stress test, and the good news is that everything looks great with baby. My blood pressure was slightly higher than usual at my appointment, but as I have no other symptoms of Pre-eclampsia at this time (other than some swelling, which is pretty normal at this stage of pregnancy), the doctor didn't seem too concerned. Plus, my blood pressure was normal when the nurse measured it after the non-stress test, so I'm hoping it was just a fluke. Apparently, women with IVF pregnancies do have a slightly higher risk of developing Pre-eclampsia, although I don't know the reason for this. I asked the doctor if it would be possible for me to get a private room at the hospital based on the fact that I'm colonized with pseudomonas and probably no one wants to share a room with someone who coughs and blows their nose as much as I do, especially when they have a newborn and it's flu season. She seemed to think that was a legitimate concern and said she'd look into it. It turns out that our family friend, who is a pediatrician and works as a liaison with the hospital, is also working on getting me a private room, which would be so nice!

By the way, the H1N1 flu vaccine still isn't available yet, but hopefully next week I can finally get it. I am really starting to get paranoid about going out in public, especially in large crowds, and am increasingly aware of everyone coughing and sniffling around me. I am sure there are people who must assume that I'm sick when they hear me coughing (in fact, the nurse who performed my non-stress test kept asking me about my cough), but in fact they are really more of a danger to me than I am to them (unless they're immunocompromised or something, but then pretty much anyone would be a danger to them).

After reading this story from the Science section of the New York Times this past Tuesday, I am even more apprehensive about the flu season ahead and also angry at people who insist that the flu vaccine is dangerous and should be avoided at all costs, especially when they have no medical expertise or training (yes, Bill Maher, I'm talking to you). I'm not saying there are absolutely no risks to the flu vaccine or any vaccine for that matter, but as with any medical treatment, the risk-benefit ratio needs to be considered, and I think it's pretty clear that for someone like me, who has not one but two risk factors for the swine flu (being pregnant and having Kartagener's Syndrome), the enormous benefits clearly outweigh any potential risks.

By the way, it turns out that my cousin, the one who lent me all the baby stuff and is a homeopath, is anti-vaccine (she didn't have her daughter vaccinated) and told my grandparents not to get either the regular flu vaccine or the H1N1 vaccine. She said she'll give them a homeopathic remedy against the flu instead. Riiiggghhhttt. Anyway, I don't appreciate her advice, especially since my grandparents are going to be around MY baby and not hers. Why can't people just keep their wacky views and beliefs to themselves? I don't go around insisting that others get vaccinated (I think people have the right to decide for themselves), but please extend me and others the same courtesy and let us make up our own minds. By the way I'm pleased to say that my grandmother, a doctor herself, didn't buy my cousin's talk about the homeopathic remedy, and even my grandfather, who is normally into alternative medicine, didn't want to try it but said that maybe my dad could use her remedy, since the vaccine isn't recommended for people like him who have had Guillaun-Barre Syndrome. Anyway, as you can probably tell, this issue pushes my buttons, so I should probably stop obsessing about it (after all, it can't be good for my blood pressure, right?). In general I've been feeling more irritable this week and more annoyed by certain things, like the constant construction work our neighbors are doing to their condo. It almost feels like PMS. I wonder if some hormonal shift is taking place inside me.

This past week I've also been stressing about when labor will begin, not because I'm so eager to have Ziggy arrive (I still feel like I could easily be pregnant for a little while longer and there's still so much left to do to get ready) but because I'm worried that AC wont make it in time since he has to fly here from Albuquerque. I asked the doctor when we would know for sure that I was in real labor and it was safe for AC to get on a plane (a false alarm probably wouldn't go down too well with the military folks), and she referred to the 5-1-1 rule. But she cautioned that if I had a speedy labor, there's a chance he might miss it altogether if he waits that long to hop on a flight. She did say that I could go into labor and delivery earlier than 511 to have them assess my progress and determine if I'm going into labor or will go into labor in the next day or two. But she added that the safest thing would be to have him fly here on or around the due date and stay with me during the week after so he'll already be here when it happens. Obviously that would be ideal, but I really don't see the Air Force giving him all that time off.

She also didn't seem to think it was necessary to induce me so early and said their usual policy is to wait until 41 weeks before deciding to induce. She did say that I could basically choose which day to induce if it comes to that, which makes me feel a little better. One problem is that my mom will be away at a conference from November 11-15. I'll be 41 weeks as of November 12, but I'd really like my mom to be here for the labor. I also really don't want to end up alone during those four days she's gone, either with or without the baby. AC may only get 7 days of paternity leave (originally it was 10-12 days, but now they're saying 7). So I've calculated that the ideal time for Ziggy to arrive is November 9 or 10--that way my mom will definitely be here for the birth and AC will definitely be with me while she's gone. Now if only there was some way to convince the little guy to come then. I know I'm probably obsessing about this way too much, but our unusual circumstances do make things a bit more complicated.

Now for the fun part: more baby gear! I found a great deal on Craigslist for more Fuzzi Bunz diapers--$200 for a lot of 38 diapers (36 small, 1 x-small, and 1 medium) that came with inserts and 2 wet bags (bags you carry with you to store the dirty diapers in when you're out and about and then wash with the diapers). Only three of them were obviously "girl colors" (pinky peach, lavender, and hot pink). They seem to be in really good condition overall. A few of the inserts have some urine stains, which I cam currently trying to sun out on the porch. Of the Fuzzi Bunz, I now have a total of 9 x-small diapers, 37 small, and 1 medium, not to mention the 3 AIO diapers. So I am practically swimming in cloth diapers now and really don't need to buy anymore until he outgrows the small size. But the great part is I wont have to do laundry as often, which will make my life a lot easier.

A family friend of AC's whom I've never met unexpectedly sent a box of baby items, which included a pillow, a cute bear hat, a pullover bib for 6-24 months, an adorable Classic Pooh two piece pants set for 0-3 months, and best of all, a hand-knit white and baby blue afghan and royal blue baby cape with hood. It is hard to believe she made them herself, they look so professionally done!

I also bought some 7th Generation Baby Natural Laundry Detergent, cotton swabs, cotton balls, cotton pads, 2 organic bamboo washcloths for baby, Earth Mama Angel Baby brand Angel Baby Shampoo & Body Wash and Angel Baby Lotion. So I am slowly and surely accumulating what I need. I plan to spend most of tomorrow doing some serious shopping, which is partly why I decided to post this week's summary early. Plus I plan on doing something a little different this week for my official 38 week post. Have I peaked anyone's interest (probably not, but that's ok--don't want anyone to get too excited in case I forget to post :) ? Until tomorrow, then...

37 Weeks: Officially Full Term!

How far along? 37 weeks!
Total weight gain/loss: Don't even want to know, but I am guessing 40-45 lbs above my pre-pregnancy weight.
Maternity clothes? Yes, although I can still wear some non-maternity stuff that is large or loose.
Stretch marks? None, and I'm really hoping it stays that way!
Sleep: Overall, not bad. It could be worse, but it could also be better. I still wake up in the middle of the night at least once a week and can't fall back asleep, and overall my sleep is definitely lighter and less restful, but I'll take whatever I can get before the baby's born!
Best moment this week: Reaching full term!
Movement: Yes, but not as much as before. Movements are more muffled, less distinct. Baby doesn't hiccup as much either.
Food cravings: Soups, salads, lots of vegetables and fruits, dark chocolate.
Gender: Boy
Labor Signs: Some Braxton Hicks contractions, but those don't really count. Otherwise none as far as I can tell.
Belly Button in or out? Definitely out (AC says it looks like a third nipple :)
What I miss: Hands and feet that don't swell, clear skin, being able to hear and not feeling so horribly congested all the time.
What I am looking forward to: Meeting and bonding with my son, getting everything prepared for his arrival (still feels like there's a lot to do), breastfeeding!
Weekly Wisdom: Baby could come at any time or it could be another 3-3.5 weeks.
Milestones: Reaching full term!

What I am going to miss: I decided to add this category because now that my pregnancy is drawing to a close, I find myself becoming nostalgic about the whole process and even feel somewhat jealous of women who are just starting their pregnancy journeys (crazy I know, but I guess infertility will do that to you). I am going to miss everything, but especially feeling and seeing his movements, my belly bump, eating for two (or rather, knowing that everything I eat affects not only my own body, but his as well), not worrying so much about or being focused on my weight, what I'm wearing (these days I'm happy if it fits and is comfortable), or what I look like, lack of menstruation and everything that goes along with it, the extra attention from friends and strangers alike, feeling proud of my body which, despite all its faults, has done a pretty good job of carrying and caring for this little one, having a special, private relationship with Ziggy that is all our own, never feeling truly alone even when I'm by myself, being able to be with the baby all the time and take care of him yet still do pretty much whatever I want to (within reason), and finally, even if I have many more of my own children, never getting to experience the magic and awe of a first pregnancy ever again.

There's a lot more to say about this week, but I'll save that for another post.

36 Weeks: Less Than One Month to Go!

I am 36 weeks today, so only 1 week until Ziggy is considered full term! Despite not having an appointment with my MFM this week, there's a lot to report. First off, AC flew here last Thursday and we were able to attend a free Birth Center Orientation & Expectant Parent's Night at the hospital where I'll deliver, which consisted of a useful presentation on car seat safety and inspection (I have my car seat fitting appointment set for Tuesday, October 27th, only 10 days before my due date), a video tour of the birth center (AC was disappointed that we didn't actually get to tour labor and delivery), a question and answer session with one of the labor nurses, and a presentation and Q & A with an OB anesthesiologist (turned out to be the same guy I met with a few weeks ago). A pediatrician was also scheduled to speak, but ended up not making it, which was just as well, since the session wound up lasting longer than expected.

I wont go too in depth into exactly what happened, but suffice it to say that the crowd here in Palo Alto is quite different from the one we encountered in Little Rock at our prenatal classes. That is to say, more educated and informed, but also more demanding and controlling. I almost laughed out loud several times at the degree of specificity that some of these expectant parents were demanding. One woman kept asking the anesthesiologist for extremely specific and detailed information about exactly how the various pain relieving methods work on the anatomical level. At one point AC turned and whispered to me that maybe she should go to medical school and become an anesthesiologist herself. I'm all for being informed and educated and I personally find medical knowledge fascinating (I did ask many questions of the same anesthesiologist during our private meeting), but there's no need to completely monopolize a public discussion.

There was also a lot of concern expressed over the possibility of residents and fellows, rather than an attending, performing procedures like epidurals or the delivery of the baby. Well, Stanford is a teaching hospital, and if you don't like that aspect, why not go somewhere else? Personally I have no problem with residents performing procedures as long as they're supervised (watch me bite my tongue later when something goes wrong during my labor and delivery that was caused by a resident's mistake!). So far I've been very impressed with the 4th year medical students who have seen me during my OB appointments.

Anyway, as AC put it, these people were just a lot more entitled than the ones in Arkansas, who I think were a little too passive, uninvolved, and uninformed. I also have to say that the quality of the presentations here was also superior to what we received in Little Rock. No wonder that the cost of one class here is more than the entire series of prenatal classes in Arkansas! Good thing this one was free!

On Friday I attended my second prenatal yoga class (I forget to mention that I went last week). The regular teacher was out last week attending a birth since she also serves as an occasional doula, but unfortunately the woman she was tending to ended up having a cesarean after 30 hours of labor (after 20 hours, she finally agreed to an epidural). Another woman in the class said that she had to have a c-section after two days of unmedicated labor with her first, so with this baby she was planning on switching hospitals (she delivered her first at Stanford and made it sound as if the hospital was to blame for her c-section). I have also heard from SH and from another doula who is not gung-ho pro natural that most of the women they see who try for unmedicated natural births end up with c-sections (the exact opposite of natural). Of course there are plenty of women who have successful unmedicated births, but it does make you wonder if sometimes the intense quest to avoid medication at all costs actually hinders the birth process when the labor is especially long and hard and pain relief might actually help the woman relax and gain strength so that her labor can progress.

Anyway, moving on! On Tuesday I had my weekly non stress test (it went fine and was completely uneventful save for Ziggy kicking the monitors like crazy!), which was observed by a third year student nurse. He had a case study assignment and asked if I would mind answering some questions for him. I told him about Kartagener's Syndrome, the IVF, my overall health, how the pregnancy has been progressing, etc. He seemed surprised at how much I knew about my own health condition, but honestly I was surprised at how little he seemed to know about medicine in general. I get that he's a student and he's still learning, but I kept having to define medical terms for him and explain myself in simpler terms than I'm used to when dealing with medical personnel. It got me thinking that maybe I should have been a nurse myself, but I know that the horrible hours (12 hour night shifts) and the constant exposure to sick people would not be good for my health.

In other news, this was another week for acquiring more baby stuff. A set of 10 reusable nursing pads from Udder Covers TM arrived in the mail. With a special online promo code, they ended up costing less than one dollar a pair! I also went ahead and finally ordered the Graco Snugride 32 infant car seat online, which to my surprise arrived the very next day. However, I am going to end up returning it since my very generous third cousin (from my Russian side of the family) who lives here in the Bay Area offered me her used car seat.

I called her on Monday and we arranged to meet up Wednesday (yesterday) at a park with her two-year old daughter (also conceived through IVF and delivered naturally at 36 weeks). She generously offered to lend me a ton of her baby stuff and even brought several items with her to give me right then and there. So now I have in my possession a Chicco KeyFit infant car seat (brand new when purchased two years ago and has never been in an accident), an infant bath tub, an infant neck support for use in the car seat or baby carrier, a baby towel, a couple of maternity sweaters and warmer tops, a prenatal yoga DVD and a postpartum Pilates DVD. Apparently there's a lot more stuff she wants to give me when I go over to her house next Wednesday evening. She is planning on trying for a second child with her frozen embryos next year, so I'll be returning everything to her before we leave for Japan, but I am so grateful to her for lending me these items temporarily. It will make things so much easier when we move and also give us a better idea of what we absolutely need to buy ourselves and what we can live without.

Finally I just wanted to mention that yet again I think I might be coming down with something. My left sinus and ear have been especially stuffed up this week and yesterday I started to develop a sore throat, so I'm wondering if I might have a sinus infection brewing. I see my pulmonologist tomorrow, and I'll ask him for a referral to an ENT who's covered by my insurance. The ENT I normally see here is great but he's out of network, and after the whole billing fiasco with the out-of-network orthopedist in New York when I broke my wrist (long, boring, and frustrating story that I don't want to go into here), I'm determined to stay in-network whenever possible.

Lastly I think I'm developing carpel tunnel or something, especially in my left hand. Both my hands, but especially the left one, will go numb if I grasp or hold something tightly. During the night I frequently feel like my hands are numb and tingly. I know this is just due to accumulated fluid from swelling pressing on the nerves, but it's still unpleasant. The other day I had an especially salty dinner and then went for a walk with my mom, and my hands really swelled up--they looked like sausages! I was relieved when the swelling went down after I drank a bunch of water and rested, but I think I need to be more wary of my salt consumption from here on out.

Anyway, that's all for this week! Sorry for the super long post. Maybe I'll try to post more frequently this week so as to avoid such long posts in the future.

34 Weeks: My Baby May Be Average Sized But His Cheeks Are Huge!

I'm 34 weeks as of today and still feeling quite good. I'm really starting to wonder how much longer this whole feeling good during pregnancy thing will last. Uh oh, did I just jinx myself? Should I be knocking on wood? Well, for now, I'll just take feeling good for as long as possible!

So I had another appointment with Dr. D on Tuesday, and everything went really well. First I was seen by a 4th year medical student who answered my questions about the contractions I was having at my non-stress test a week earlier. She said they sounded like Braxton Hicks and told me not to worry about not feeling them--she said I'll definitely know the difference when real labor contractions begin! She then measured my fundal height, which for once was measuring correctly (34 cm), and used the doppler to find Ziggy's heart rate. It took her a few seconds to locate it, during which time I internally panicked, but at last I heard the familiar whooshing clip clop and could relax. Dr. D also seemed unconcerned about the contractions, so that was a relief.

Yesterday I had another ultrasound, which showed that Ziggy continues to do very well. My fluid levels are good and my placenta is left lateral and perfectly normal. It was pretty difficult for the ultrasound tech to get a good look at everything she needed to see because of his size and how he's positioned. She said his head is down really low, with his nose pressed flat. His right hand is also down there near his face (probably for easy sucking access), so now I know for sure that the little poking sensations I sometimes feel on the right side are his hand and/or elbow. He's laying on his left arm, which is sort of pinned underneath him. I guess this means he's already showing a preference for his right hand and will be right hand dominant :) The ultrasound tech kept marveling at how tightly curled and compact he was, which was of course making her job a lot harder. His legs were curled up tight behind his body, and in general, everything was really pulled in. But she was able to locate all the main organs and body parts and make the necessary measurements. Based on the measurements, he now weighs 5 lbs, 1 oz, and is in the 45th percentile and 1 day behind his true gestational age. So basically a nice average sized baby, not too big or small.

The ultrasound tech said he has really big chubby cheeks though, and she seemed to think he looked cute. She printed out a still picture for me which clearly showed the roundness of his cheeks and also a rather pointy little chin, which he must get from me (my mom's chin is even pointier than mine). I did not have chubby cheeks as a newborn, so that must be from AC's side. I can't wait to actually see what he looks like! I think with mixed race children there is always a bit more mystery as to what they will look like. My mother, who had never seen an ultrasound of a baby before, thought he looked kind of scary, like a jack-o-lantern, and the ultrasound tech and I kept having to reassure her that he won't look exactly like the ultrasound picture. I think the hollowed out eye sockets and visible skeleton do give it that slightly spooky effect. Could this mean he'll be a Halloween baby?

At this point, a doctor came in to examine the baby on the ultrasound and she confirmed that everything looked good, including my cervix. She did however notice that his heart seemed to be fluttering fairly rapidly, so she measured his heart rate, which was 167, a tad on the high side, but not abnormal. When I had the non-stress test following the ultrasound, his heart rate remained pretty high as he was moving around a lot. Last time he was too still and quiet and this time he was too active, so it took a while for them to get a nice baseline reading. He kept trying to kick the heart rate monitor off--you could actually see it jumping on my tummy! Eventually the nurse moved the monitor from the right side to the left side and that seemed to help, as he quieted down a bit after that. I guess he just really didn't like having it on the right :) Anyway, finally I "passed" the non-stress test and was unhooked from the monitors. More good news is I had no contractions this time and my blood pressure was again normal. The nurse said my contractions last time were probably just due to dehydration.

So I am now only 3 weeks away from being considered full term at 37 weeks! Stay in there at least until then, little buddy...Even though I am excited to meet you and get to know you, I want you to be as strong and healthy as possible when you enter this world.

Bump Watch Weeks 31 and 32

This may be the last round of bump watch for a few weeks, at least until AC gets here. I plan on still taking my weekly snapshots, but I don't know if I'll be able to load them onto my computer without AC's help (sadly, I'm technologically challenged). Anyway, without further ado, here we are at 31 weeks:



And here we are at 32:



I have my first appointment with the new MFM tomorrow and will post about it as soon as I can. Time to come up with a list of questions to ask him!

32 Weeks: In which Ziggy and I take our leave of the "Natural State" (aka Arkansas)

Ack, it's been an entire week since I last posted! Time to remedy that. Today marks 32 weeks, and I must say, this week has brought some new symptoms. I woke up twice in the middle of the night with what felt like very mild cramps in my lower back, right where I usually feel menstrual cramps. I tried to shift position to relieve the discomfort but that didn't really work. Getting up and drinking about 8 glasses of water did though! I guess I was just dehydrated. I'm still trying to figure out if these two episodes could have been Braxton Hicks contractions. My belly did feel sort of harder and firmer than usual, but sometimes I think that's just due to how Ziggy's positioned.

Speaking of Ziggy, he has been quite the little Thumper this week! Aside from the usual rolling undulations of my belly, I have also experienced episodes of very rapid kicking that feel like a very strong flutter, which makes my belly jump and pulsate, sometimes in two locations at once. It almost seems as if he's saying, "Hey, it's getting cramped in here, and I need to stretch out!" Thump, thump, thump! He has episodes of hiccups at least once, but sometimes up to three times a day, which means he's being a good little boy and practicing his breathing. Another sensation I've noticed, especially if I'm lying on my side and place my hand on my lower belly, way down on the side by my hip bone, is the feeling of something rolling across the lower part of my belly. Since I know his head is down there, I imagine he's either turning his head or moving his little hand near his face. Anyway, it's a cool feeling--I wish I could describe it better.

Speaking of Ziggy's head being down low, my half Russian friend saw me this weekend and said my belly looked different, that maybe I had already dropped!? That surprised me since from what I've read, the baby dropping tends to happen about 2-4 weeks before delivery (although I also read plenty of anecdotal stories online of women going past their due dates even though their babies had dropped before 30 weeks!). I really hope Ziggy doesn't arrive in 2-4 weeks! Please stay in there at least till 37, little guy!

It's kind of crazy to think that full term could be anywhere from 5-10 weeks from now. That's such a large range of time. My friend asked me if I was eager to get the baby out and stop being pregnant, and honestly, I'm not. I still don't feel that physically uncomfortable (although admittedly I have experienced increased sinus congestion and wheezing this week), and I love the feeling of Ziggy's movements. I think I will really miss that aspect of being pregnant once he's outside of me. But, I did admit that I'll feel relieved once he's safely delivered. I don't actively think about it, but there's always the fear at the back of my mind that something could go wrong in the last few weeks or during labor and delivery. Of course once he's born, I guess there will be other things to worry about (SIDS, flu season, etc), so I really can't escape it. Welcome to motherhood, right?

Anyway, back to Ziggy's head dropping...I think it might be true because all of a sudden this week I have to pee every five seconds it seems. Sure I've been urinating with greater frequency for the entire pregnancy, but this is different. I have the strong urge to go again as soon as I get off the toilet, but when I go, usually only a small amount comes out. The worst was when I decided to walk around the track at the base gym on Tuesday. I don't know if it was the walking that brought it on, but it felt like something (his head) was literally resting on my bladder, and sometimes the urge to go would grow really strong and then subside just as suddenly. I had to stop three times to use the bathroom.

Afterward, a woman who had been shooting baskets in the gym below the track asked when I was due (the first time a stranger has asked!) and then said something about how she hoped all my walking wasn't going to induce labor. That gave me pause for a moment. I definitely don't want to induce labor prematurely, but I also know how important it is for my entire body, especially my lungs, to be exercised. I'd been feeling like a bit of a slacker in the exercise department for a few weeks (it's not that I've totally given it up--it just hasn't been as consistent and regular) and wanted to start exercising more regularly in these last couple of months before the baby comes (just walking and prenatal yoga now--the prenatal aerobics I was doing earlier has been way too jarring since I entered the third trimester). For a while now, it's seemed like I always had some excuse for not exercising (extreme fatigue, a bad night of sleep, aching hips, feeling overheated, stomach ache, too hungry or too full, etc), but all of a sudden I feel a lot more energetic and want to be active. Sitting around is not appealing and I feel the urge to clean and organize. I guess this is the famous nesting instinct I've heard about kicking in. Good timing too since we have to move out of our place by Monday (I'm flying to CA on Saturday, so I wont be here for the actual move out, but I plan to clean everything before I leave).

As much as I am sad to be separated from AC, I'll be relieved once I'm safely in CA and near my new doctor. It's a bit scary to be traveling alone at 32 weeks (unfortunately AC has to stay here for a bit longer--I'll update more about his plans as they solidify). So, chances are my next post will be written from the West Coast. Until next time then...

Week 31: Great news about Ziggy (and, oh yeah, I'm a big fatty!)

I had my final appointment and ultrasound with the MFM today and am pleased to report that all is well with little Ziggy! The choroid plexus cyst has disappeared and everything else continues to look completely normal. The amount of amniotic fluid is normal. He's growing well and weighs 3 lbs 8 oz, putting him at exactly 31 weeks. The doctor seemed very confident that there's nothing wrong with him, since a baby with a chromosomal abnormality would show delayed growth or other signs of deformity at this time. All I can say is phew, what a relief!

The ultrasound tech tried to get some 3D shots of Ziggy's face, but he wasn't really cooperating. His head is down really low on my right side, practically by my hip bone (the ultrasound wand kept bumping into it). Eventually, after poking him for a bit with the ultrasound wand and checking out some of his other parts while she waited for him to assume a better position, she went back to his face and we were able to get a better look at him. He's changed quite a bit from the 20 week ultrasound! I don't know if it was partially due to distortion, but his cheeks looked huge! He looks so much chunkier now--it's pretty hilarious! He had one of his hands in front of his mouth (probably sucking on it), so we couldn't get a good look at the lower half of his face. Throughout the whole exam, he was kicking like crazy--I don't think he liked the ultrasound one bit--and afterward, when AC and I went to lunch at this Vietnamese/Thai/Chinese place, he kept it up for a while, which is kind of uncharacteristic of him--he must have been really mad!

In other news, the head nurse made photocopies of all my records for me to take to my new doctor in CA, and I learned the horrifying truth that I've been incorrectly assessing my weight at the last few appointments. I realized that I'd been looking at my weight in kgs at the last appointment, not lbs! Oy vay! So, I have already reached the highest weight I have ever weighed in my life before I was pregnant (you know, when I was just fat in college :) and am exactly 35 lbs above my November pre-pregnancy weight! I was hoping to reach that weight when I was a little further along. After all, I still have ~9 weeks to go! Eek! I'm going to be such a blimp by then! The only good news is that I hadn't gained any weight since my last visit two weeks ago, so maybe the rate of weight gain will slow down? Oh well, as long as Ziggy is healthy and growing, that's all that matters (at least that's what I keep telling myself!). More on this later I'm sure, but now I must run!

Week 30: The Big 3-0!

Yesterday I was officially 30 weeks along, and much like turning the big 3-0 (not that I've experienced it myself, but so I've heard), I expected it to be a big deal, but honestly, it was sort of anticlimactic and just like any other day :) Overall, this past week has been a good one though. I think I can safely say I am completely over that respiratory virus that AC and I had a few weeks ago (I've actually been feeling better for a while, but was afraid to jinx myself by admitting it). The diarrhea also appears to be gone, and whether it was the result of a stomach bug or because I ate too many of those Chinese dates that AC's stepmother sent me with the express instructions that I eat five a day throughout my pregnancy (I had given up eating them for a while because of the loose stool problem, but had just resumed my five a day regimen when the flood gates opened, prompting me to abandon them until I'm actually constipated) doesn't matter--I'm just relieved not to have to worry about becoming dehydrated or Ziggy not getting the nutrition he needs.

Speaking of Ziggy, I can't wait to see him in less than a week! He must really be running out of room in there because his movements have become a lot more subtle, almost muffled. I actually sometimes have a hard time telling if he's moving just by feeling him from inside. I have to either look at my stomach to see the movement or place my hand on my tummy to feel it from the outside. He still favors the left side of my abdomen most of the time, and AC and I like to joke that this means he will be a left-leaning liberal, which is fine by me, but I think AC would prefer if he were more moderate and central :)

This past week we also completed the last two of our prenatal classes, Preparing for Birth on Saturday (all the couples were having baby boys this time!), where I won another pack of 20 newborn diapers for having the furthest away due date, and Infant CPR and Safety yesterday, where my record of winning something at every class was finally broken. Oh well, 3 packs of 20 newborn diapers and a book on breastfeeding is a pretty good haul! Both classes had a lot of good useful information and handouts. I definitely feel like we're more prepared for the little guy's arrival now, which could be as early as 7 weeks from now or as late as 12 (assuming he arrives full term between 37-42 weeks)!

Week 29: Countdown to the Next Ultrasound Begins!

Wow, hard to believe this is my last week in the 20s! I had my appointment with Dr. W yesterday and overall everything looks good. My fundal height is only measuring 27.5 cm, but he didn't seem too worried. I double checked online, and apparently a variation of plus or minus 2 cm is considered perfectly normal. Ziggy's heart rate sounded nice and strong and regular on the doppler, but unfortunately I forgot to ask for the exact number. I also didn't get my exact weight--somehow when I was staring at the scale while the nurse weighed me, my brain just would not register what is was seeing (this seems to be happening a lot to me these days--my brain just feels really sluggish and slow). I think I was up about 5 lbs from last time. Anyway, the doctor thinks my weight gain is good, so the exact number doesn't really matter. My blood pressure was 130/80, which is a bit high for me, but they didn't say anything, so I'm assuming that's normal at this stage in pregnancy. I remember reading something about how blood pressure may go up slightly in the third trimester, but as long as it stays below 140/90, it shouldn't be a concern. I also found out that my glucose was 105 after the glucose screen, so well below the cut off of 139, and I am not anemic--yay!

Dr. W says I don't need to do a formal kick count each day since everything is looking so good and the baby is moving regularly. He palpated my abdomen to feel the baby's position and said that the baby's head is already down, which is a relief to hear. He actually grabbed what I guess was the baby's head with one hand, which kind of hurt a bit. I asked him if what I'm feeling around my navel is the baby's butt, and he said yes, so that means, not only is he head down, but he's facing the correct way. When I was born I was head down but facing the wrong way (occipito-posterior position), which gave my mom really bad back labor and probably prolonged her labor and made it more difficult (they ended up having to use both forceps and vacuum to get me out). Anyway, I'm glad the little guy is cooperating, at least for now! Let's hope he stays that way.

Probably the most important part of the visit was discussing the choroid plexus cyst and when my next ultrasound will be. Dr. W said he wanted to see me back in two weeks, and I asked if we could do the ultrasound then since it will be my last visit with him before I leave for California. He seemed a bit reluctant to do it at first and said he usually prefers to wait until at least 32 weeks to do the ultrasound (I'll be 31 weeks at the next appointment). He was also worried that my insurance wouldn't cover the ultrasound since the cyst is so small. Apparently it is only 2 mm, and some insurance companies wont authorize a follow-up ultrasound unless it's at least 5 mm. At this point I was thinking, 'oh well, I guess I'll just wait until I get to my new doctor in California to do it,' but when I suggested that I'll just wait, he suddenly changed his tune and said it would be fine and most likely Tricare will cover it because they're usually good about things like that. It was kind of strange, but whatever--I'm just glad he agreed to it!

Anyway, I am just so relieved to hear how small the cyst is (Dr. W said it's so small that probably at another office they might not have even caught it--his equipment is just especially good) and also that I only have to wait 2 weeks before I get to see Ziggy again and check on how he's doing! I know that I probably wont be able to breathe a complete sigh of relief until he's born and we know for sure whether or not there's something wrong with him, but in the meantime, these small reassurances do make me feel better.

Yesterday evening, AC and I attended our Breastfeeding class, and I am happy to say that my lucky streak continues! No diapers this time, but I did win a book on breastfeeding. We also came away with some useful handouts and booklets and some good general knowledge about breastfeeding. Unfortunately I never got to find out the ratio of boy to girl babies in the class, but most of the people I'd already seen in other classes. Still, it would have been interesting to see if the few newcomers would have evened up the score.

I can't believe next week I'll finally be in the 30s! Suddenly this pregnancy seems to be just flying by!

They found it!

Wow, I am lucky! I just received an email from the commissary that they have my wallet! Whew, what a relief! I feel like a massive weight has just been lifted off my shoulders. I still do feel like an idiot, but a lucky idiot :) I really do plan to still treat this as an important lesson though and change my ways because next time I may not be so lucky. Now I really wish we had held off on canceling the credit cards--I even suggested to Andy that we wait, but I guess he was right to cancel them right away. After all, if someone had gotten a hold of them, it could have been disastrous! So, I hope this means he'll be a little less mad at me, although he'll probably still be annoyed because he'll have to drive me on base to get it today or tomorrow. Hopefully one day we'll look back on this with our son and have a good laugh about what a space cadet mama was while she was carrying him :)

I wish I could blame the fog of pregnancy brain, but I think I'm just an idiot...

I lost my wallet, and I have no idea when or how it happened. Well, I guess I do have some idea of how it happened. Most likely it fell out of my purse. Normally I don't zip my purse so I have easy access to everything I need and can hear my cell phone ring. I know, I know, it's a bad habit that I definitely plan to break now! Luckily there was no money in the wallet (last time I lost my wallet, there was $100 bill that my step-dad had just given me, which of course disappeared, but I was very fortunate to have my wallet and all cards returned to me that time), but I did have two credit cards, which AC has already canceled (much to his annoyance--the new cards should arrive in a week), my CA driver's license, and my dependent military identification card. There were also a few other random items, like library cards for Arkansas, doctor's cards, appointment reminder cards, my student id from San Jose State, and a few coupons. Honestly, that stuff is unimportant. The driver's license and military id card are another matter.

Considering that I don't go out all that much, you'd think it would be pretty easy to trace where I may have potentially lost the wallet. I know for sure that I had it on Tuesday because I shopped at the commissary on base and used both my military id card and a credit card. That was the last time I remember actually using or seeing my wallet. I've already emailed the Commissary (no one answers the phone there), but so far haven't heard back. Tuesday evening AC and I attended the Infant Care Class, and I suppose it's possible that I could have lost it then, but unlikely, as I remember zipping my purse up during class. Also, they have my contact information and would have called by now had it been turned in.

On Thursday, AC and I went to hang out at the bookstore. My dad called while we were there, and I got up to walk around the store while I chatted. I took my purse with me and had it open but tucked under my arm the entire time. Later, I was sitting at a table in the cafe with my purse between my feet, and I suppose it's possible it could have fallen out then. We've already been back to the bookstore to ask, and so far, no one has seen it. I left my name and number with an employee in the cafe in case it shows up. Ironically, while we were there looking for it under the tables in the cafe, we found someone else's wallet and turned it in. I also called the front office of our apartment complex in case it fell out in the elevator or while walking to the car--they said nothing had been turned in, but that they'd contact me if it showed up.

AC is extremely annoyed with me, and I can understand why, although his cold, sullen attitude, combined with the pregnancy hormones, is making me pretty depressed right now. I cried for a while this morning, feeling like such an idiot. If I can't even keep track of my wallet, how can I expect to look after another human life, a baby?

Plus, now I can't drive without the risk of being pulled over and fined or worse, arrested for driving without a license! Getting a new military id will also be a pain because AC will have to drive me on base, and his start times are really early these days, like 5am. Since he's already so annoyed with me, I might ask my Russian friend if she can drive me, but that would probably be pretty inconvenient for her, what with her two kids. I definitely need to get a new military id before I leave though since it basically serves as my health insurance card. I actually have a copy of it scanned on my computer (I had to send a copy to a doctor for some reason), which I should probably print out and carry with me in the meantime.

Replacing my driver's license will be more difficult. Supposedly I can only do it in person in California, which means I'll have to wait two and half weeks until I fly back to California (right now I am set to return on Wednesday, September 2nd). I did find some information online that indicates that the DMV might be able to send me a replacement in the mail under special circumstances, but the office I need to call is closed until Monday. Plus, even if they send it, I'll be lucky if it arrives before I'm scheduled to leave. Not having a license wouldn't normally be that much of a problem for such a short time because I don't tend to do much driving, except that I happen to have two doctor's appointments this week. AC definitely wont be able to drive me to the ENT on Monday and most likely wont be able to drive me to the MFM on Thursday either.

I did a little research online, and some people suggested reporting the lost wallet to the police so there would a record that could be checked in case I was pulled over. They also suggested carrying another form of identification. Thank goodness I have my passport here! I'll also have to use it when I fly to California now.

I feel like such a failure right now. I guess all I can do is try to learn from this mistake and be more organized in the future. One thing I definitely plan to do from now on is make copies of all my important cards and keep them in a safe place at home, so that I at least have a record of what I've lost. Right now I don't even know what my CA driver's license number is! I also clearly need to stop leaving my purse unzipped and probably should carry my wallet in the zippered compartment rather than in the body of the purse. I thought I had learned my lesson the last time I lost my wallet (it fell out of my jacket pocket while walking on campus at San Jose State), but I guess not. Since then, I don't carry a lot of cash with me, and I usually keep it separate from my wallet (so I guess I did learn something, since this time at least I didn't lose any money), but obviously I need to be even more careful. I am so full of self loathing right now! I think the only thing that's helping me keep it together is the thought that stress isn't good for Ziggy and that I need to stay as calm and relaxed as possible for his sake.

Week 28: Prenatal Classes and Ziggy's Movements

Now we're definitely in the third trimester (some pregnancy calendars count from 28, not 27 weeks)! On Tuesday, AC and I attended a class on Newborn and Infant Care. I actually knew most of what the instructor discussed from all the reading I've been doing, but I did learn a few new things (like how most pediatricians don't approve of those syringe bulbs to suction out baby boogers since they can damage baby's tiny delicate nose) and was reminded of others I'd forgotten. We got to practice swaddling and diapering a life size baby doll, watched several short videos, and received a packet of useful information.

This time there were about 10 couples, and again all were having boys, except for two women, one of whom was having fraternal twin girls, just like last time! So, again, three girls, and the rest were boys. As AC pointed out, some of the same people were in the class with us, but still at least half were new people.

I had the farthest away due date, so again I won a package of 20 newborn diapers, this time in a slightly higher weight range. I don't think I've ever won so much free stuff in my life! We have our next class on Breastfeeding in a week--I wonder if my luck will continue :)

Ziggy continues to be a very unscheduled child, with quiet days interspersed with very active days--all of my reading indicates that he should be settling into a discernible pattern now, but if he is, it's evading me! He was a lively little bugger yesterday though.

Lately I can feel him kicking me simultaneously in two different locations, like my side and the front of my belly, and frequently something firm and round bulges out on the left side of my tummy, and I'm guessing it's his butt! I think it's hilarious when my belly is all misshapen from his positions and movements. I especially love the rolling, undulating movements across the front of my belly, right around the level of my belly button. Oftentimes I can actually see them better than I can feel them--I imagine he's rolling over and shifting as his quarters get tighter and more cramped. I really wish I could see how he's situated in there.

I have my next appointment in exactly a week, but I don't think I'm having an ultrasound then. Phooey! Unfortunately I'll probably have to wait until I get to California to have one. I would really like to know if the choroid plexus cyst is gone and that everything else continues to look good. Worry and doubt are starting to rear their ugly monstrous heads again!

No, it's not the swine flu, but we're both sick!

Bad news; AC is sick again, and worse yet, I appear to have caught it! I was holding out so well until last night, when I think sleep deprivation got the better of my immune system. It was so hot last night in our apartment (82 degrees I think!) even with the air conditioning blasting (I almost wrote ac just now, but decided that would be confusing! :) The only way I could sleep was naked with an ice pack wrapped in my nightgown and placed against my body and the overhead fan on. It didn't help that my stomach wasn't feeling great as usual these days. Joy of joys, I woke up at 2:30 and couldn't get back to sleep until 6:30! The only good part of the whole experience was that Ziggy became quite active, and I enjoyed feeling and seeing the little guy move around.

I didn't just lie there the whole time though. I got up to drink and eat and surf the Internet for a while until I started to feel drowsy again. I managed to sleep till about 9am, and when I woke up, the soreness in my throat hit me. That was AC's first symptom too. I can tell that it's a virus because whenever I get a viral infection, my chronic bacterial infection recedes temporarily. Pseudomonas is a notoriously weak (but persistent!) bacterium that cannot survive well in the presence of other infections, bacterial or viral. It tends to hide out until the other infection disappears, at which point it reappears with a vengeance.

Sorry to be graphic, but normally my sputum is a dark yellow to green color. Now it's a pale yellow to clear color, which is almost unseen in me! My cough is also more dry and hacking and less productive than usual, which is also generally a sign of viral infection in me. AC's infection appears to have become bacterial, judging by the color of his sputum, which is a pretty common occurrence; an initial viral infection weakens your immune system, allowing a bacterial infection to move in. If that happens to me, I may need to pay an earlier visit to my pulmonologist. I was hoping to be able to avoid taking any antibiotics during my pregnancy, but if I have to, obviously I will. We have a quiet weekend of rest and recuperation planned. I just hope it's not too hot in the apartment, otherwise we may need to escape to the coolness of the bookstore (although really, in our state, we shouldn't be out and about). Here's hoping for a quick recovery for the both of us!