Pregorexia is not for me!

I stumbled across this article yesterday while reading the Health section of the New York Times and found myself quite disturbed by it. Of course I already knew that some women start or continue their eating disorders even while pregnant, but somehow reading about this woman's story made it all the more real to me. I think what bothered me the most was the realization that that could have been me, that, as a former anorexic, there is always the potential to slip back into that mindset and those destructive habits. Now that I've experienced pregnancy for myself, I understand how it could act as a major trigger for a woman who's already struggled with an eating disorder in the past or who is at risk for developing one. It's not just about the weight gain, although obviously that does play a large part. I think it's also about losing control, over your body, your sense of self as a woman, your perceived freedom, your relationship with your partner, your emotions, your visions of the future, etc. Your life is about to completely change, and for people that dislike change, that can be terrifying.

I would generally consider myself to be a person who dislikes change, but I am looking forward to this one, and I am proud to say I have not been tempted at all to engage in any potentially harmful eating or exercise habits. In fact, the thought of doing so, and possibly putting Ziggy in harm's way, makes me feel sick. I must admit, occasionally I do feel a bit anxious about the future, about what it will be like to raise a child, but it's more like the nervous anticipation that one feels when awaiting something new and exciting, but unknown. Overall I am so happy and grateful that we'll be welcoming this new little member of the family soon!

PS--One thing I do worry about, especially if Ziggy is a girl, is her developing an eating disorder. My mother and I both suffered from anorexia at around the same age (age 12-13), and recent research seems to indicate that there is a genetic component to the illness (my mother and I actually had our blood drawn as part of a study looking at the genetics of anorexia). I can't control genes, but I can model healthy behavior (which includes not just what I eat and my exercise habits, but also how I talk about food, weight, and body image), create a loving and supportive environment where my kid feels like s/he is accepted for who s/he is, and watch out for those early warning signs of trouble to come. The earlier one catches anorexia, the more quickly and successfully it can be treated. I was fortunate enough that, since my mother had experience with it, she suspected it long before the doctors did, and I received help relatively quickly.