Week 21: The Best Feeling in the World

It's funny, just this past week I was complaining to AC about how I really want to feel the baby kick me and know for certain that it really is Ziggy and not just my wonky intestines. It would just be a nice reassuring sign that all is well with little Ziggy. Plus, every woman I know who's been pregnant has told me how amazing it is to feel their baby kicking.

Well, today I finally got my wish! The past few days I'd experienced what felt like a small poke, jab, or thump in my lower belly, a few inches below my belly button, but it would only happen once and then there would be nothing. At first I was pretty sure it was the baby, but then I would start second guessing myself. Then yesterday I just felt really aware of my uterus. It felt really heavy and full and just...well, there! My belly also seemed to feel firmer and harder than before. And I would get these little aches on the right side of my lower abdomen that were different from the sharp, stabbing round ligament pains that I sometimes get when I cough, sneeze, or change position too quickly. Then while I was lying in bed last night, I noticed little fluttery sensations on the right side, around where the pain had been earlier, and so I think maybe Ziggy was kicking or punching something inside (like an organ, maybe?) that was making it ache.

And now this morning, I started to feel the same little jabs, pokes, and thumps, except instead of just one, there were several in a row. They would stop for a while and then restart after a bit. First they were more on the right side, and then they moved toward the middle. And they are definitely the baby! Now I'm absolutely sure of it. Sometimes it kind of felt like he was rolling over in there. It was the most amazing feeling in the world! And then, just when I thought I couldn't get any happier, I saw my belly jump (not just once, but several times)--I actually saw it move from the outside because of the strength of the kicks! It was surreal. I mean, I thought that would only happen later on, but I'm glad it's happening now. It's about time! I was starting to get worried.

The timing is actually perfect because just today I made the decision not to do my weekly check of Ziggy's heart rate with the doppler anymore. I just read some stuff online that suggested it may not be a good idea to use the home doppler after 20 weeks because the baby's hearing is fully developed by now, and some people suspect that the doppler could sound really loud to the baby and possibly even harm the baby's hearing. So, to be on the safe side, I decided to retire the doppler for the rest of this pregnancy and fervently hoped that I would soon be able to feel Ziggy kicking. Well, now I can, and it is such a relief! I swear I could spend all day just holding and watching my belly for signs of movement. I can't wait to share the news with AC. He's sleeping in this morning, so I wasn't able to include him in feeling and seeing the kicks. Hopefully it wont be too much longer before he gets to feel/see them too. It's really just a matter of timing I think.

Anyway, I am just so over the moon with happiness right now and in love with my baby! And when I think how lucky I am that the IVF worked the first time, even though we just transferred a single embryo, it makes me feel so terribly sad for all the infertile women out there who are still trying desperately to conceive, or even worse, the ones who have exhausted all their medical and financial possibilities and now have to come to terms with the fact that they will never carry their own biological child (or even a non-biological child, if it's with a donor egg or embryo). I wish every woman who wants to could experience pregnancy at least once. It is truly a magical experience, and there's absolutely nothing like it on earth.