According to my various pregnancy tickers, I have only 99 days left until Ziggy's due date! 99 days of freedom, some might say. Not that I view having a baby as a prison sentence or anything, but I do realize that my life is going to change drastically once the little guy is here. Which brings me to my question: how should I spend these next 3 months? AC and my parents are pressuring me to finally finish my masters degree this fall. I have only one class, the dreaded culminating experience, left to complete, which requires a substantial amount of work. Basically, I need to create an e-portfolio of some of the work I've done in the program, showing how I fulfilled 14 competencies, which will entail writing about 16 short essays and possibly over 100 pages. On the one had, I would love to just be done with it all before Ziggy is born. But on the other hand, I can't imagine spending the last precious months of my pregnancy stressing about school work. So, in order to clarify the issue in my mind and reach some sort of conclusion, I've decided to make a list of the pros and cons of enrolling for Fall 2009.
Pros:
If I pass, I can finally kiss this master's program goodbye and move on with my life.
I'll have a master's degree (specifically an MLIS), which might come in handy later on if I decide to or need to go back to work, even if I don't work in a library setting. For example, some universities will only hire yoga instructors who have a master's degree.
AC and my parents will finally get off my back about completing my degree.
I will serve as a good role model for Ziggy (AC pointed this one out, not me!).
It will give me something to do, to occupy my time while I wait for the little guy to arrive. I may end up feeling pretty bored in California if my mom is occupied with her own work, and friends are too busy to see me. Plus, if I don't have a car, I will be stuck at home a lot or at the mercy of my mother to drive me around.
It won't be any easier (in fact, it will be harder) to complete the e-portfolio once I have a baby to look after. Basically, I'm worried that if I don'd do this now, I'll never finish it.
I've already invested a lot of time, money, and energy into this program, and it would be a shame to throw all of that away.
I'll feel embarrased and ashamed to admit to others that I gave up completing the program.
If I submit and pass 10 of the 14 competencies, I can get an incomplete and finish the remainder of the work over the next year, which would probably be doable if difficult, what with the baby and the move to Japan.
If I don't enroll in classes this semester, I'll have to reapply in order to finish the degree (the university only allows you to skip one semester at a time without taking official leave due to illness, military orders, or educational endeavors before making you reapply to the program, and I've already skipped this past spring semeter). Reapplying wont be too hard, but it will be annoying, especially to have to do it from Japan, and I wont be able to reapply until 2011 since California's buget cuts prevent the school from accepting any applications for 2010.
What with the budget cuts and California's current economic crisis, it seems like it might be wise to quickly finish the degree before the program goes belly up, they hike the tuition or make any other changes that could affect my completion of the degree.
The worst case scenario is that I end up never completing the degree and regret it later in life. Can I live with that?
Cons:
Pregnancy brain has made me stupid. I feel like it's a huge effort to think coherently. I've become really forgetful lately, which is unusual for me, and feel like I can't think clearly. Not good when trying to finish a master's degree!
My sleep is erratic--sometimes it's great, sometimes not. When it's not, I am basically useless for the next day or two (or three--these days, it seems to take me a lot longer to recover from sleep deprivation), have trouble thinking and concentrating, feel out of it, and can't imagine getting any academic work done. It's likely my insomnia will only get worse as I progress with my pregnancy.
There is still a lot to be done to prepare for Ziggy's arrival. I need to do a lot more research on baby gear and make some final decisions about certain purchases. Reading online reviews, browsing Craigslist and SU Market (Stanford University's version of Craigslist) for deals on baby gear and then arranging to pick the items up, scouting out stores for deals on baby gear, trying to hit up a few people in California to borrow stuff, buying and setting up everything we need for Ziggy's arrival (even if we get only the bare minimum, there is still quite a bit to do), etc.
I need to educate myself about how to take care of a newborn. This will entail lots of reading, viewing of DVDs, and taking of classes, such as infant CPR.
I need to exercise and move as much as possible for my lung health (this is according to my pulmonologist in California), so spending hours sitting in front of my computer probably wouldn't be the best thing for me. Once I'm in California I plan on doing a lot of walking as the weather and surroundings will be a lot more conducive to taking walks. I also want to take some prenatal yoga classes (they don't have any here in Little Rock). Basically I need to avoid a sedentary lifestyle as much as possible.
Even now when I don't use my computer that much, I find that my wrists will frequently bother me. My right wrist (the one I broke this past winter) is especially prone to acting up. Hours on the computer will only make these problems worse and, combined with the tendency of pregnant women to develop carpel tunnel syndrome in the third trimester due to swelling, almost guarantees that my wrists and hands will be in constant pain. Not to mention that once Ziggy arrives, I'll have to pick him up and carry him all the time, which will be really hard if my hands and wrists are already so destroyed.
Schoolwork stresses me out terribly, and everyone says that stress is bad for the baby, especially in the last trimester. Baby feels what you feel. I don't want to have a stressed out pregnancy, baby, or postpartum period.
Ziggy is due on November 5, and the e-portfolio is due on November 17. Of course Ziggy might be late, like I was, but if he's early or even on time, most likely I wont be able to finish by the deadline and at best will get an incomplete (I need to submit and pass at least 10 of the 14 competencies to get an incomplete) and at worst, a No Credit.
I feel totally unprepared to tackle this e-portfolio business. I know I should have been working systematically on it this entire year, but procrastination got the better of me. I also don't honestly feel like I can show proficiency in all of the competencies. I deeply regret not taking certain classes, like cataloging.
The whole point of the e-portfolio is to show off the work you've done in the program and present it to prospective employers in a way that makes them want to hire you. Since I don't plan on working as a librarian anytime soon (or possibly ever) and since I ended up realizing that the profession is not really right for me and that I didn't get much out of the program, I'd basically have to bs my way through the entire thing. Unfortunately I am not very good at bsing.
I am out of practice when it comes to writing, especially academic writing. The last class I took in the program (last fall) was on web design, so it didn't involve any paper writing (part of the reason I chose it as a matter of fact).
I don't have a good, ergonomic setup for my computer here or in California. Spending so much time working on a laptop wont be good for my wrists, back, neck, shoulders, eyes, or body in general. Combined with the aches and pains of pregnancy as I get larger and further along, I could end up being really uncomfortable by the end.
I have no motivation to finish the degree and could care less about having an MLIS.
I want to enjoy what's left of my pregnancy, to talk, sing, and read to Ziggy, to concentrate on feeling him move, and to bond with him before he arrives.
I want to enjoy this trip to California, since it may be the last time I get to spend a substantial amount of time there for a while. I want to spend as much time outside as possible, taking walks and observing the beautiful scenery and the fall foliage, especially since I've spent the summer mostly indoors here in hot, humid Arkansas. I want to see as many friends as possible and take advantage of all there is to do in that part of the country.
I want to rest, relax, enjoy myself, and do as many of those activities as I possibly can that I wont be able to do once the baby comes, like go to the movies, go out to eat, or hang out with friends. Once Ziggy is born, I'll be exhausted, sleep-deprived, and pretty much tied to being at home with the baby. Again, I have no problem with this--I'm prepared for it and even looking forward to it in an odd way. But it does make me feel like I don't want to waste these last few months doing something I'll hate.
Schoolwork not only stresses me out, it puts me in a perpetually bad mood. AC always says I'm a much nicer person and much more pleasant to be around when I'm not a student!
The last time I visited my mom, my computer had a really hard time connecting with her wireless network, so most of the time my internet connection was really unreliable. I definitely need reliable internet access to complete my e-portfolio.
I have no way of knowing what will happen in the third trimester as regards my health and my pregnancy. If I end up getting sick, end up in the hospital, or have premature labor and delivery, this could postpone or prevent my completion of the e-portfolio.
I am out of practice with doing schoolwork and being disciplined about deadlines. My life has been pretty easy since I've come to Little Rock. My days are very relaxed and laid-back, but I still have enough to do to keep me occupied and not bored. Basically, I have gotten lazy and undisciplined, and it's going to be difficult to get back into the student and schoolwork mindset.
The worst case scenario is that, after busting my butt to finish the e-portfolio before Ziggy is born, I end up not passing and getting a NC, which means I'll have to reregister, repay, and redo most of the work later. Ugh!
After reading through all these points, I still have no idea what I want to do. My mind wavers constantly between thinking, "There's no way I can do this" and "Won't it be nice to just get this done and out of the way?" Ahhh, I feel like I'm going crazy! It's pathetic, I am a fully grown woman about to have a baby, and yet I feel like a child myself. I want to just pull the covers over my head and wish this whole e-portfolio nonsense away. Or I want someone to take my hand and lead me through the process step by step, guiding and encouraging me constantly along the way. Geez, I am so pathetic! My mother was writing her doctorate while pregnant with me, and she finished it a few months after I was born. Clearly the apple can fall very far from the tree!
Anyway, thinking and writing about this is making me depressed. I'll finish this for now, but will probably write more about this soon. I need to make a decision by August 16, the deadline for enrolling in classes.
file purging
10 years ago
2 comments:
Well, I am with your parents and AC on this...I think you should finish before the baby comes! If you're finding difficulty getting motivated now...you will have ZERO motivation after the baby comes...because he'll be super cute, super fun to cuddle, super tiring to take care or, and super requiring of your time. Sorry girly, I realize this is a tough choice to make...but hopefully you can find the emotional energy to just grit your teeth and do it now...either way its not easy! And of course I'll love you and still think you're awesome if you never finish the degree. (grin)
Thank you for that! I think this is just what I need to help kick my butt into gear :)
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