The Tyranny of "Stuff"

Can I just say, I hate registries! There's a reason AC and I chose not to have a registry for our wedding. Sure, a lot of people just gave us money or gift cards as presents, but that was fine with us. It allowed us to purchase items as we realized we needed them, so we actually bought useful things, rather than ending up with a bunch of stuff we thought we needed, but really didn't. In addition, we also received some pretty cool items that we never would have gotten from a traditional registry, such as a mirror with a beautiful handmade frame from Israel, a Fondue pot (it's actually been really useful for entertaining), a subscription to Netflix (which proved indispensable when we were forced to live in the Mojave Desert with the nearest movie theater being an hour away), and adorable yin and yang salt and pepper shakers. I'm not saying wedding registries are all bad. AC and I have certainly found them useful when we've had to purchase a wedding gift for someone. But I don't think they're absolutely necessary in every case.

The reason I bring this up is that on Friday, my friend dragged me to Babies R Us to set one up, and let me tell you, it was a painful process, at least for me (she seemed to be rather enjoying herself!). It's not that her advice wasn't helpful--it was! If I ever need to buy any of this stuff, now at least I know which brand or type to purchase. I just felt like I was being forced to add all this unnecessary stuff to the registry that I don't plan on buying or having anyone buy for me. The only good part was that I received a "Bornfree" bottle as a free gift for setting up my registry.

I'm not even sure I need a registry. After all, as far as I know, no one is planning on throwing me a baby shower. And even if my mom does throw me a little shower in California with a few mutual friends, I would only expect people to buy me some cute baby clothes or toys, nothing big or expensive. It just seems wrong somehow to expect people to buy me a bunch of fairly expensive stuff. Now if I had a large, close-knit family that all lived nearby, I would completely see the value and necessity of a registry. But honestly, the only people whom I expect to buy me the larger ticket items we might need are my parents, and can't I just tell them what we want?

Anyway, the whole registry expedition left me feeling very insecure and unsure of our decision to keep our baby gear purchases to a minimum. Could all this stuff really be necessary? After all, there must be a good reason for people to buy all this stuff for baby. Do they do it because they're first time parents who don't know any better and get overly excited by all the cute baby gear and lured in by persuasive salespeople who convince them that yes, they absolutely have to have that bouncer or swing or whatever? Or do they see other parents buying tons of stuff and feel like they have to compete in order to be considered good parents, that if they don't buy junior every single item that everyone else gets that they're somehow depriving the child for life? Or do they buy these things because, while expensive, bulky, and space-consuming, they're convenient and make the parents' lives easier? I really don't know. What I do know is that somehow I was raised without all of this stuff and managed to survive, as have countless other babies in the past.

Anyone who knows me really well knows that I don't like owning a lot of stuff. This aversion to stuff has several causes: 1) My step-father is a total pack rat, and having grown up in a cluttered, disorganized environment (and hated it!), I do my best to avoid accumulating unnecessary stuff. 2) Because I'm obsessive, I hate making decisions, and purchasing stuff requires making lots of decisions. I can't tell you how many times I've bought something and then regretted it later, for whatever reason. Basically shopping for stuff makes me anxious and brings out my obsessive qualities, so unless I absolutely need something, I would rather go without it than have to purchase it. 3) Since AC and I move around frequently and have had some of our stuff stolen and broken by movers, it just doesn't make sense to own a lot of stuff (especially nice stuff). 4) I try to be at least somewhat environmentally conscious, and the production and maintenance of stuff is decidedly environmentally unfriendly. 5) There is something very freeing about not being tied to worldly possessions. After all, you can't take it with you, or as one of AC's favorite quotes reads: There are no pockets in a shroud. If a natural disaster (fire, flood, etc) were to destroy all of our possessions, I would definitely mourn the loss of certain irreplaceable things, such as photographs, all of the data on my hard drive, and a few select items that have sentimental value, but for the most part, I would be ok. As long as I still had AC, I'd be fine.

I know that having a baby will entail the accumulation of a certain amount of stuff. But exactly how much is unclear. Some people would have you believe that you need to buy everything under the sun. Others insist that you can get by with the bare minimum and that all babies really need is love, attention, and lots of time from their parents. Perhaps the truth lies somewhere in the middle. All I know right now is that I feel overwhelmed by these choices and decisions. This is by far my least favorite part of being pregnant!